The Red Strokes
by WritinginCT
Summary: A song helps one man grieve and the other remember.  JackDaniel pairing Meridian and later post Homecoming


Title: The Red Strokes

Author: CJ aka WritinginCT

Fandom: Stargate SG-1

Pairing: Jack/Daniel

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Angst

Disclaimer: I don't own the recognizable characters I'm just inspired by them. Hopefully they've had fun playing in my sandbox.

Comments: A song helps one man grieve and the other remember. Jack/Daniel Meridian and later post Homecoming

Feedback: Love it? Hate it? Want to offer me a book deal to write original fiction? Email me!

Status: WIP 10/4/07

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Jack stood at his sink washing dishes, dishes that he hadn't bothered with in weeks. His trash can held the unidentifiable remains of the things that had been growing in his refrigerator. He glanced over at the empty beer bottles lining the counter and sighed. The beer wasn't helping. Nothing was helping.

He felt disconnected, disconnected from his body, his friends, and completely disconnected from his emotions. And that last one he could live with. If you didn't have emotions you couldn't hurt, and you wouldn't toggle between being angry and wanting to wail. You could be in complete control at all times. Yeah, being numb was better.

Finishing all he could stomach to do in the kitchen he went into the living room and hit play on the stereo for the first time since…well since before they went to Kelowna. When the gentle strains of the song started he felt like he had been sucker punched and he immediately hit the stop button. His dinner of beer and half a frozen burrito twisted in his gut and he ran to the bathroom barely making it in time to retch in the toilet.

He rinsed his mouth and splashed some cold water on his face. He grabbed the hand towel and dried his face roughly. And as he opened his eyes the first thing he saw was the two toothbrushes hanging side by side. His hand hovered over the red one and he wondered for one brief moment if it would taste like… he shook his head to clear the crazy thought away and went back out to the living room.

On his way through he locked up the house and turned out the lights. He flopped down on the couch and punched the throw pillow to get it how he wanted it and tried to get comfortable and maybe get some sleep. Sleep hadn't really been an option since Kelowna and sleeping in the bedroom in that bed was certainly not going to happen any time soon.

He watched the light from the full moon outside, finding its soft light oddly comforting. And his whole being was screaming for comfort even if he refused to acknowledge it. He was zoning out staring at the patterns the clouds passing in front of the moon caused on his floor when the stereo started playing.

Jack jumped up in surprise and went over and roughly punched the stop button. But it wouldn't stop playing. Again and again he hit the button until he heard Garth Brooks start to sing in low deep tones,

"Moonlight on canvas, midnight and wine

Two shadows starting to softly combine…"

Jack hit his knees there in the moonlight in front of the stereo and closed his eyes and he could swear that he felt Daniel in the room. Almost as if he was all around Jack, cocooning him in his essence.

"The picture they're painting

Is one of the heart

And to those who have seen it

It's a true work of art."

Jack remembered how they came to own this particular cd. Daniel had gotten some itch to find some romantic music that was appropriate for them. Jack smiled wanly remembering how Daniel had whined and complained that all the music was for men and women, and nothing worked for him and Jack. Daniel had put himself on a mission to find some and Jack had lost track of the number of hours Daniel had spent hunched over his laptop reading lyrics.

"Oh, the red strokes

Passions uncaged

Thundering moments of tenderness rage"

The lump in his throat that had been there since he stood over Daniel's empty bed in the infirmary got even bigger as he remembered the night he had gotten home to find his living room softly lit by the soft light of the fireplace with an open bottle of wine on the table and Daniel sitting on the couch waiting for him with a gleam of anticipation in his eyes. He stood and pushed play on the stereo then moved to stand behind Jack wrapping his arms around him and with his chin tucked on Jack's shoulder he whispered a simple, "I found it."

"Oh, the red strokes

Tempered and strong

Burning the night like the dawn"

They had listened to it the first time just standing there, gently swaying together. And thanks to the magic of the repeat button on the stereo it played again and again as they made love there in front of the fire. It was a night neither would ever forget. It had been perfect.

"Steam on the window, salt in a kiss

Two hearts have never pounded like this"

Had been perfect, as in past tense, Jack thought. They couldn't repeat it, couldn't even try now. And that was killing him inside. And now the damn stereo wouldn't turn off.

"Inspired by a vision

That they can't command

Erasing the borders

With each brush of a hand"

Jack would swear that felt something gently brush his cheek and he bit down the sob that threatened to erupt from his throat. He refused to cry, refused to give into the grief that had hollowed him out inside.

"Oh, the red strokes

Passions uncaged

Thundering moments of tenderness rage"

He tried to focus on the moonlight on the floor but found it blurry and he realized he was trying to focus through the unshed tears in his eyes.

"Oh, the red strokes

Tempered and strong

Burning the night like the dawn"

Jack looked around angrily, "Damn it, Daniel. Don't do this to me." He said to the empty room and tried again to turn the stereo off unsuccessfully.

"Oh, the blues will be blue and the jealousies green

But when love picks its shade it demands to be seen

Oh, the red strokes

Passions uncaged

Thundering moments of tenderness rage"

He felt the first tear hit his hand before he realized he was crying. And once the flood started he couldn't stop it. He cried for Daniel, he cried for himself, he cried for what they had, and mostly he cried for what they could have had.

"Oh, the red strokes

Tempered and strong

Burning the night like the dawn."

The ache in his chest found a voice and he wailed and howled, trying to vent his grief and his anger. The last time he had hurt this badly, his sidearm had almost been the pain's eraser. But he knew that he couldn't do that now. Daniel would want him to keep fighting. To protect innocents and defeat the Goa'uld. And he would do it. For Daniel.

"Steam on the window, salt in a kiss

Two hearts have never pounded like this."

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Tbc… feedback appreciated


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